Sensitivity to Individual Routine

I believe those of us with Aspergers approach life with an individualized, unique system to navigate it, compared to your average neurotypical. We are often creatures of routine, habit, and structure, and when someone interrupts these, throwing in elements of spontaneity and expectations, it triggers us. You might write us off as rude, insensitive, self-absorbed. But I implore you to look at our own routines through a different lens.

Growing up, I would always burst into rage when my night home from school would be ruined by what my parents called "Forced Family Fun." Essentially, my night of planning to relax with some reading and Nintendo after 8 hours of being surrounded by people would be thrown out the window for time spent discussing our days (groan), going for a walk, or eating dinner together. I needed some time to be left to my own devices, to recharge in my own world, away from everyone else. My parents called this antisocial. I called this retaining sanity. See what I mean? Two different perspectives. For the life of them, my family couldn't understand why I couldn't be more like my brother and sister, who happily engaged in our "Triple F" routine without hesitation. For so many years, I felt like the black sheep of the family, never wanting to do things their way, and lashing out when their expectations were shoved upon me...until I finally made it clear what I needed from them.

As a parent, family member, friend, or significant other of someone with Aspergers, you may never truly understand why we do things the way we do them, and why we react so harshly when our routine is infringed upon, but if you want to retain a good relationship, it's imperative that you give us the space we need. Try to be sensitive to these routines, and give us advanced notice, presenting plans as an option, rather than an expectation. I guarantee you there will be a two way improvement in accommodating one another. After years of a strained relationship with my family, vocalizing this need was the most important step I had taken, and I respected them for re-framing their expectations for me. I am closer with them because of it!

What are some daily routines that you follow? Do you feel like people are sensitive to them?

The Irritability Meter: Little Things That Annoy Me

Not a generalization, but a common trait I've found I share with many other people who have Aspergers is a heightened irritability rate. For me, this can be stimulated by a variety of factors. Noise related, they include the repetitive tapping of a pen, the shrill whistling of my dad to a radio song(I can hear him over the music), the rustling of a chip bag, even the almost inaudible sound of a person chewing. I hear each of these quite clearly, and due to my hypersensitivity to sound, the noises slowly raise what I like call my "Irritability Meter". When this meter increases,(you'd be surprised how fast it does) I change quite a bit, in terms of verbiage and posture. The higher my irritability levels, the more prone I am to irrational, antisocial behavior which includes cursing and rude language. I might say something along the lines of "Can you stop eating so damn loud?" or "Quit tapping your pen". Often times I will get a clueless stare from the instigator as if their wondering if I'm serious about such a small noise annoying me. And yes, indeed it does. That's just how it is. 

In school or public situations where I am generally less outspoken, I will usually just relocate myself away from the instigating noise, a much healthier method than coarse verbiage. Besides noises, the everyday stresses of life including school, home, and prolonged social events(even movies with friends) will increase my irritability. Whether its finals week, chore day at my parent's house(until last year), or a two day weekend at a friend's house, excessive time spent in the same environment will draw upon my energy reserves and bit by bit, I will become irritable. I've found that moderating my time spent doing different things is vital for me to keep stress levels low. As my fitness teacher said, "Everything in moderation, nothing in excess." This held true in many life aspects, beyond the nutrition and food context. So when I spend 3 hours at a family dinner and I feel that irritability creeping up, I isolate myself and spend time by myself. If I could use a metaphor, I'd compare myself to a battery, and people as a drain, and when I'm low on "juice", I spend some solitary time "recharging." I group irritability and stress in the same context, and in my next blog, I'll dive into how exercise has become such a huge construct for me in fighting both. I believe every person with Aspergers has their own method(s) of dealing with stress and irritability, and I just know that exercise is my biggest, personally.
   
What kind of things, big or small, are irritating for you or someone you know? How do you deal with these irritability triggers? Let's discuss in the comments below!