Mentoring and Reaching Out to Younger Aspergians

Having experienced firsthand the difficult and tumultuous years of high school and even middle school as an Aspergian, I believe in the importance of an older generation of Aspergians developing an empathetic side for young adults who are experiencing the deep hurt resulting from social ostracization. Especially in youth, a stage of development, growth, and learned maturity, we are much more sensitive and vulnerable to the labels, jeers, and hurtful words of others.

Growing up, I didn't have a support system to deal with my anger, frustration, and depression, and it took a toll on me years later, as I put up a wall between myself and others, avoiding friendships and relationships for fear of getting hurt again. I felt that the less people knew me, the fewer opportunities they would have to expose and make fun of my oddities and quirks. With a support system, an older friend and mentor, I believe I could have learned earlier on to be open to the idea that there are also people who would have accepted me for who I was, awkwardness and all! It took several years down the road for me to start making friends again, but when I finally did, it sowed the seeds of trust and openness, which snowballed into confidence and taking risks. I just wish I had had someone who had been in my shoes, and overcome. There is a distinct bonding element of the shared human experience, and I challenge adults with Aspergers to be this catalyst to success for young adults with our "condition" who face adversity in an overwhelmingly neurotypical society. As the old saying goes, it takes one to know one!

Do you have a child, cousin, or younger brother or sister with Aspergers? Try sitting down with them and sharing some of your greatest challenges and successes at their age as an Aspergian. Find and focus on any commonalities!

Opening Ourselves Up to Self Improvement

The time between high school and college is a very volatile and unpredictable period. It is during this time frame that a young adult’s maturity and their readiness for this next stage of life can be determined. Which leads me to describe the effect of an overly swift transition from high school into the unfamiliar territory of college, specifically Marshall University. To be true to my point, two years ago I had a very unprepared, closed off, and immature outlook on school, declining and avoiding the valuable student services available to me. For example, due to me having the condition of Aspergers, my parents had enrolled me in the aspergers program at Marshall. During our meetings with the staff and coordinators of the program, I was resistant and opposed to this outside help, mainly for my insecurities of needing “special” help and lack of initiative towards my condition. At the time, I did all I could to erase the thought of my aspergers from my mind. I loathed this condition, and did not want to dwell on it, much less have such focused help in this area. Therefore, I was resistant and obstinate to the program, and I believe they sensed my dissatisfaction and unwillingness from the start.

In addition, I did not take my school work as seriously as I should have, and my motivation for success was not at the level it needed to be.  This whole college experience was a new thing for me, and without guidance, it was inevitable I would fall into disorder and stray from my priorities and resources. Needless to say, by avoiding the resources available to help me and not taking initiative to develop a mature mindset towards school and priorities, I had set myself up for failure. Sure enough, by the end of the month, my grades had slipped dangerously, and I knew I needed to pull out. If there is any redeeming factor in this past learning experience, I would say it was the fact that I had finally realized my instability and drew it within myself to leave Marshall before the consequences grew greater. I was simply not at a place in time to be able to focus wholeheartedly on my studies, and I began to realize a gap year would have, and still could be a more practical step. Thus began a period of time that would bring me to a new state of being, a new mindset, and a new outlook.

During these last two years, much has changed in a positive way, to a point that my family and I feel and know I am at a place in my life to be able to succeed at Marshall. I have spent these last two years both working a job, and taking classes for credit at Carroll Community College. The outcome for both of these ventures has been successful, and I have held a steady job, as well as passed my credit classes, except for Intermediate Algebra, due to a lack of available help and general struggle with the subject. I feel that the tutoring services, my aspergers program, and additional resources at Marshall will help me meet success wherever I may struggle. I have matured, and developed a new method of study and focus during these past two years at Carroll Community College, successfully passing classes and acquiring credits. When I am not at school, I was, and still am at this point working a part time job, teaching me responsibility and structure. As I will be both taking classes and working at Marshall, I will be entering the semester with years of study methods, initiative, and a new frame of mind to use to my advantage. I know what to expect in this upcoming semester, and am extremely open and anticipating of the resources available to me both through the aspergers program, and great tutoring services at my disposal. There’s a saying that states “Good habits are only learned through experience, time and effort”. I feel this quote can relate to me in the sense that I have improved immensely in experience, time management, and effort towards my priorities.

  

I look forward to a new semester, a new beginning, and using my newfound mindset gained through these past two years. My academic objectives will be to make any and all academic areas, including class work, tutoring, and program interactions my priorities. I will use my new focus and mindset to succeed in these areas, correcting my past mistakes by attending class, going to both aspergers and tutoring programs, and most importantly to tackle school work and tests with the utmost dedication. With experience, time, and effort at my disposal, I feel that I can now reach my goals and succeed this semester, and those to come. I embrace not only my newfound ambition and motivation, but also the resources available to me as an aspergian, including my school’s program focused specifically on me and other young adults that have the condition as well. How great a feeling it is to know I am not alone in facing my anxieties and potential struggles in the semester to come.

What improvements have you made this year? Let me know in the comments below!

The Ability to Preempt Paranoia

As my first week of spring classes comes to a close, I realize how great a week I've had in terms of social anxiety/relations. It really feels like things are looking up. But to start off, I'd like to detail some of my past and even present struggles in social situations. Mentioned in my previous blogs, exercise has helped immensely in controlling my stress, anger and frustration, but there is no magic alleviation to the struggles faced in life. This holds true with social anxiety and paranoia faced by many Aspergians. There are however, healthy methods to combat these as I have discovered.

A lot of social anxiety plagues me on a day to day basis, with a strong mix of paranoia. I worry a lot about what people think about me, and my insecurities consistently emerge. For example, I might arrive to my community college and proceed to my class. Almost every day, I will be walking down the hall when I feel paranoia creeping up like a shadow. With my first social interaction, I might go from being in my own complacent thoughts to a completely unhinged, irrational mindset of which I have no control. Some days I may have little to no social anxiety and paranoia, but for the most part, it affects me daily. And when it does, I begin feeling like each and every person is staring at me, theirs eyes burning into my back, judging me based on appearance, based on my expression, even how I'm walking.

Let me put this in perspective for you. Have you ever seen a horror movie where the soon to be victim of the killer is moving cautiously around every corner, showing their paranoia and dread of what they see as the inevitable? To an extent, this is metaphorically comparable to how I feel regularly in social situations, whether it be school, the mall, or even the library. The "killer" being other people, and their eyes constantly following me, watching my every move, judging me. I may pass someone in the hall who simply meets eyes with me for a brief moment. In that time, my brain may interpret this as a threatening glare, when in all reality, it was just a curious glance. And boom, my anxiety and paranoia is set off. I will now spend the next class period or so fostering this paranoia, thinking about it, tearing apart in my head why I have received such negative vibes from others. During this paranoid phase, I would often be very withdrawn, avoiding eye contact with others, maintaining a cold, stern expression, and making minimal conversation. I certainly don't look like a person someone would be comfortable approaching at this point.

Thus, the irony develops. On a good day, I might have been my talkative, positive and friendly self, perhaps starting potential acquaintances and friendships on the right foot. But first impressions are often set in stone, and now I've doomed myself to the speculations of others based on my antisocial behavior. People will respond to my antisocial behavior in ways I had initially thought they would, whether it be ignoring me for days after, or distancing themselves from me and my unwelcoming, cold demeanor. I'm sure I make them feel uncomfortable when I put my social wall up. I observed this almost predominately in high school, before I had developed a deeper understanding of how to work the social tools available to me. Needless to say, because I started off high school with a skewed perspective of self image and gave in to my paranoid tendencies, I distanced myself from people, and lost the potential for more friendships. And although I have many regrets from high school, I can truly say it was a learning experience and helped me improve my methods of dealing with my ongoing social anxiety and paranoia.

The difference between my present and past paranoia is how I deal with it now, currently. And let me tell you, it has made such a substantial difference. I described how I had gave in to my paranoia in high school, but I have not detailed the methods I now employ to fight and manage paranoia when it emerges. Everyone desires positive social connections, and through my past frustrations, I have found ways to meet this desire. When I feel that unavoidable social anxiety and paranoia approaching, I use a positive mental approach. I will tell myself repeatedly that no one's judging me, and that my paranoia is not realistic. I self affirm, telling myself that I'm a friendly guy, and that people aren't as shallow as my paranoid tendencies make them out to be. I push myself to socialize to overcome my anxieties, even if just starting a friendly conversation with a stranger. Finally, and most importantly, I will tell myself to reflect this self confidence and friendliness through my expression and voice. Where before I may have walked around with a scowl and avoided people, now I maintain a consistent smile, and force one on even when I'm in a poor mood. I try to use a friendly vocal tone in my conversations with others to give the the impression that I'm an open and genuine person. Using these methods, I have found that I can successfully overcome the negative effects of the social anxiety and paranoia that I currently, and always will face. A positive mindset about yourself and others seems to be a powerful factor in this success.

As an Aspergian, its uplifting to know that where there's a will, there's a way. While I can't avoid the inevitable anxiety and paranoia's that are a part of me, it's comforting to know I've successfully developed and maintained many friendships and relations through this self-perseverance.To anyone who struggles with similar anxieties and paranoia, don't lose hope. There's a drive in each of us that can be used to conquer and overcome our fears. Its taken me years to find mine, but I've found it and held onto it with an iron grip.

Thank you for following my blog! I'm grateful to have readers that are willing to read the contents of my mind and experiences as an Aspergian. I aim to help, educate, and inform others, whether as a fellow Aspergian or a curious reader. Aspergers is growing larger in prominence every year, and awareness and understanding is necessary.